Sorry. I just couldn't bring myself to post on Tuesday. I had a last-week-of-school spurt of laziness. I even had a funny story to tell you, but...I went to sleep instead. Maybe I'll tell it to you next Tuesday.
So Autofill Thursday. Today's question comes to you via my sister, who is currently dusting to my left while trying to sneakily read over my shoulder. Yes, I stopped typing for awhile. Now she's gone.
All right. The question is--Why was...?
Question 1: Why was Frenchie disqualified from American Idol?
Answer 1: Well. Let's think. Frenchie. As in French. American Idol. Are you thinking what I'm trying to make you think? Good. I think you get it.
Question 2: Why was Demi Lovato in rehab?
Answer 2: Because she is a PSYCHOPATH! And she lashed out and murdered three people at a concert in Winnepango. But, since she's famous, she can't go to jail. Just a very nice, long sit-down with a psychologist in a straight jacket. Ooh. Dangling modifier. I meant Lovato in the straight jacket. Not the psychologist.
IMPORTANT NOTICE!! -- Everything (for the most part) I say in these articles is false. I put this here in case Demi Lovato (or anyone else) reads this and chooses to sue me for making fun of them. Sorry if anyone actually believes me, but...you can't sue me.
Question 3: Why was the Berlin Wall built?
Answer 3: Because you can't build--wait. My sister's back with her duster. Hold on.
OK. She's gone. Anyway. The Berlin Wall was built for the reason any wall was built--to keep up a ceiling. By the end of World War 2 and beginning of the Cold War, the Germans were convinced that the sky was going to fall on top of them. So they teamed up with the Russians to build a huge wall to hold up the sky. Don't laugh. It worked, didn't it?
Question 4: Why was Selena Gomez in the hospital?
Answer 4: Because she was brave (or stupid) enough to stand up to Demi Lovato on her rampage. Bad idea, Selena. I'll send you a get well soon card.
Question 5: Why was Vicksburg so important to the Confederacy?
Answer 5: For those of you who know nothing about the Confederacy--they were a bunch of hungry kids. Vicksburg had the best grub in the whole South. So once they lost that, they lost all their food. And you can't fight a war without food, right?
And for those of you who DO know about the Confederacy, well--you're probably not reading this anymore.
Question 6: Why was the Great Wall of China built?
Answer 6: Well, you can't hold up a ceiling with only one wall, can you? The chief engineer of the Berlin Wall knew that his wall would do nothing without a companion wall, but at the moment, they were on bad terms with China. He needed the other wall built near the China-Mongolia border, but he couldn't get anywhere near it. So he went back in time thousands of years, drew up a coupld drafts with Hadrian and Stonehenge, then went to work with the Ancient Chinese. Child's play.
Question 7: Why was Andrew Johnson impeached?
Answer 7: Andrew Johnson was in a peach? No, I'm pretty sure that was James, wasn't it? Come on, Google.
Question 8: Why was Megan Fox replaced?
Answer 8: Megan Fox was replaced? With what? A giant robot? An alien? An octopus? Wow, Google. Way to let the cat out of the bag. I just thought she got kicked off of Transformers.
Question 9: Why was the Civil War fought?
Answer 9: Why is any Civil War fought? Because half of the country thought they were right, and the other half...well, they thought they were right, too. Bad combination. Can't have everybody being right, can we?
Question 10: Why was Firefly cancelled?
Answer 10: Firefly's not cancelled. We just didn't show enough respect to their creative genius. So they took their show to a different planet--and now the creators are rulers of that world. If we had let them conquer our planet, maybe we'd know what happened to what's-his-name. (See. Disrepect. No wonder they left)
There you go! I promise this time to post on Tuesday. I have a funny story to tell you (it's been forever since I told one of those). And school starts, so I should lots of things to complain about, too.