Autofill Thursday

Hello again!
     It's time for...me to go eat dinner. Hold on.
     *Twenty minutes later*
     Okay, I'm ready. Today's questions, thanks to Jude Rosenberg, come from "Who can...?" I was going to use your original suggestion of "Who can I" Jude, but all it was was "Who can I run to lyrics" over and over and over and...yeah. So I shortened it.
     I think y'all will like it better. (Yes. I said y'all. Get over it.)

Question One: Who can it be now?
Answer One: It's me! Here with another Autofill Thursday. Seriously, though, I don't know how to answer this question. Oh wait. I know. How about you open the door and FIND OUT! Instead of googling it. Because googling a question like that is just dumb.
   Of course, answering it on a blog is even more dumb...
   Moving on.

Question Two: Who can declare war?
Answer Two: I'd like to declare war on whoever Googled this. Seriously people? Let's see...who can declare war...is it Santa Claus? Muhammed Ali? Jimmer? No. It's countries. That's why wars are fought with countries. Otherwise, they're raids. Revoltions. Massacres. Drive-by shootings. Street fights. Intense games of red rover. Take your pick. But they're not wars.
    Fun Fact, though--did you know the President can actually not declare war? That belongs to Congress. The President just sends the troops out and pretends like it's a war when it really is just a big game of hide-and-seek (hide-and-DEAD! in Osama's case).

Question Three: Who can say where the road goes?
Answer Three: Um, the roadmaker can. The map can. And probably whoever drives along it can...although they might not have anyone to tell by the time they reach the end of it.
   I, however (I always think I, Claudius when I type an I,. Does that happen to anyone else??) cannot tell you. Because I don't know what road you are referring to. Nor, I think, does the Internet. I suggest you just drive.

Question Four: Who can donate blood?
Answer Four: My immediate thoughts are anyone who is a) not a hemophiliac (did I spell that right?) or b) not a  vampire. I'm sure they don't encourage people who freak out at the sight of needles to donate, either. Other than that, if you've got blood in your body that you don't want, give it to someone who does.
    Speaking of doing awesome things for people...my Watering the World seems to be a bust. I'm not giving up on it just yet, though--it would still be really cool to pull off, and it looks good for scholarship money. So every Wednesday, I will be posting about it. Please, if you want to help, let me know.
   Anyway. Back to serious business.

Question Five: Who can join usaa?
Answer Five: Um, I don't know what USAA is. The Universal Sorting of Awesome Aardvarks? The Undertaking of Social Anarchists Annihilation? The Underwear Stinks Association of Awkardness? If it's any of those, I don't really think anyone can join. Except the annihilation one. Feel free to annihilate the social anarchists. (Although I'm not 100% sure what a social anarchist is...someone who doesn't follow the rules of Twitter??)

Question Six: Who can beat Obama?
Answer Six: Google. It appears I may have to eat my shoe. It seems that you have actually impressed me.
    Now, for those of you who support Obama--too bad. I'm gonna rag on him. Most of you are conservative Mormons anyway, so you'll agree. But for those of you who don't, comment below. Let's have a debate :)
    Anyway, for the awesome people who googled this question--I don't know. Several key news sources (namely the Economist and the Washington Post, I think) predicted that the only presidential candidate who could defeat Obama is Mitt Romney. But with incumbency and whatnot...I don't know. Fingers crossed.

Question Seven: Who can marry people?
Answer Seven: Generally, only people can marry people. I think it's kind of against the law to marry a monkey. Or an arrdvark. (Or a social anarchist).
   Just kidding. I got you. The only people who can perform marriage services are religious leaders or community leaders. Mayors. Pastors. Pirate Ship Captains. President of the Underwear Stinks Association of Awkward.
    So talk to them. Especially the USAA--I hear their ceremony is awesome. Especially the reception.

And there you go! Another Autofill Thursday successfully completed. Thanks to Jude for the idea, thanks to Google for the stupid questions, and thanks to you for reading this! See you on Tuesday, because I ain't posting till then.

And, in case you're wondering, my post on Tuesday will actually be about writing--what this blog is supposed to be about.